Baby Goten's Day Out
by Makeru Mon Ka
Summary: CHAPTER 3 ADDED!! Not much happens in this chapter (a bit like the real show :P) but according to reviews (thank you all), and my own inflated ego, it's funny in the extreme!! Pls R & R.
1. The Great Escape

_Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or any of the characters within. I'm pretty sure all the material is mine though ... so, enjoy!_

**Baby Goten's Day Out - Part One**

One day, baby Goten was lying in his cot staring blankly at the ceiling, feeling rather discontented with his life so far. Hardly surprising when you consider that his average day consisted of this; food goes in, food comes out. Neither of which he had any control over. The somewhat unappetising slop that he was being fed, and later using to decorate his nappy with, was hardly a sufficient diet for a young half-Saiyan lad. 

With Goku... well, let's not beat about the bush here, dead, and Gohan locked in the basement working through a mountain of study books, Chi-Chi had all but forgotten that her little son was practically a monkey. She had been feeding him regular, everyday, supermarket baby food. Unacceptable. Goten had been considering an escape from this wretched existence, to go in pursuit of finer things, for some weeks now. Unfortunately, he had struck upon a problem in his calculations; one vital thing was evading him, the ability to walk. 

His list of achievements so far had included learning to scream so bloody loud the walls shook, and learning to crap his pants. Walking, it seemed, would prove quite the challenge. Grabbing the bars of his cot, Goten summoned his strength and hauled himself to his feet. Still holding the bars, he bounced up and down a bit and gave out a little giggle, much in the way a baby would, to signify that he was pleased with this accomplishment. That done, he decided to attempt the next step. Leaping high in the air, he performed a double back somersault and landed on his hands on the floor. Leading out of this, he executed a series of backflips that led him right out of the window. If only it had been open... 

Goten now sat outside the window looking rather bemused as he brushed the shattered glass out of his hair. Another babyish giggle denoted that he found his progress satisfactory. Now, after that astonishing feat, walking doesn't really seem like such a tall order, does it? Well, unsurprisingly, (and very conveniently for the purposes of this story), it wasn't. Goten stood up and walked off. 

A little way down the road, Goten stopped, realising he had absolutely no idea where he was going. He sat down in the middle of the dirt track road to contemplate this point and settle upon a direction to take. With a rumble of his stomach, he remembered his cause and, just as he decided to make his quest one for a decent feed, he was hit by a car. 

Now, whereas a normal baby would have been decapitated on impact from this head-to-bumper collision, Goten, taking after his father, has a head as hard as diamond. The car bonnet smashed open, much in the way it would if it had hit ... oh say, a tree. The driver, who quite obviously hadn't been wearing his seat belt, (let this be a lesson to you), was catapulted through the windscreen and landed several feet in front of where Goten sat. 

Goten was still in deep thought, and it wasn't until he saw the rather crumpled looking man land in front of him that he realised the cause of the slight tickle in the back of his head. He scratched it, and brushed out some more broken glass, before walking over to the man, who was now lying face down in the dirt, apparently unable to move. 

'Help me...' the man croaked as Goten approached him. 'Please...' he coughed as he spoke '...help me.' 

Goten cocked his head to one side and looked sympathetically into the man's eyes. His tiny mind could not yet comprehend the pain that the man was in. He giggled as he stole his wallet and mobile phone. For a second he could have sworn he saw a little cricket dressed in top hat and tails giving him a disapproving look, but he put it down to the funny smelling smoke that comes up from the basement where Gohan 'studies'. 

He walked a little further down the road, just far enough so he could no longer hear the pained cries of the dying driver, and stopped to examine his new toys. Inside the wallet Goten found lots of pieces of paper with peoples faces on them, they didn't taste good, but he liked the pretty pictures so he closed the wallet and stuffed it in his nappy. Looking at the phone, Goten vaguely recognised the numbers as something that Chi-Chi had tried to teach him shortly after his birth. It wasn't a fond memory, Goten mashed the keypad with contempt. This having been a rather mindless act, he was surprised to learn that it provoked a response, the phone began to ring. As Goten edged closer to the phone, intrigued by the ringing noise, he heard a voice... 

'Hi, welcome to the Get-a-Date chat line, we have thousands of hot girls waiting to take your call...' 

Goten's eyebrows raised as the tone of the woman's voice struck a chord. He quickly pressed the red button and disconnected the call. He sat back and blinked a few times before adopting the same bemused look he'd been wearing most of the day. He leant forward and tried again, pressing the keys more carefully, but still completely at random. Purely by coincidence, (and because this story's going nowhere fast), it was a familiar voice that answered. 

'What do you want?' snapped Vegeta, dispensing with the usual pleasantries. 

Goten recognised the voice as the father of his play pal, Trunks. 'Chunks.' he replied, in an infantile attempt to pronounce his friend's name. 

'Urgh, I don't have time to waste talking to a stupid baby.' growled Vegeta as he threw the phone over his shoulder and stormed off to wax his legs. Quite by chance, (I know this is weak), the phone landed in Trunks' playpen. 

Now, just for argument's sake, let's pretend that 'Rugrats' is true to life and that babies really can understand each other. 

'Hello?' Trunks said into the UFO that had just landed at his feet. 

'Hi Trunks, its Goten.' 

'Oh, hi Goten, what's up?' 

'Um...' Goten thinks back to just before his head became a car park '... I want food.' 

'Huh, doesn't your Mom feed you?' 

'Um... I want good food!' 

'Oh, okay, sounds like fun, where are you?' 

'Um... on a road, near my house.' 

'Okay, wait there, I'll be there real soon.' 


	2. The ... erm, Even Greater Escape!

_Disclaimer: Do I have to put this in each chapter? I dunno, but I definitely don't want to get sued, so ... I don't own Dragonball Z._

**Baby Goten's Day Out - Part Two**

Trunks hung up the phone and put it in the corner of his playpen along with the various other household objects and cheap cosmetic products his father had violently disregarded. His collection was really starting to grow now, it included the TV remote control Vegeta had thrown when his favourite soap opera was cancelled, it also included the TV itself, which followed shortly when he realised he couldn't use it without the remote. 

Sometimes Trunks had to wonder about his father, peering down the length of the corridor, he couldn't help but think it was unusual for a man of such grand stature and royal heritage to be strutting round the house in a low-cut pink dress, barking expletives at inanimate objects. 'Stupid floor!' came the cry as the heel snapped off one of his strappy black stilettos. 

As the broken footwear came hurtling across the room and Vegeta adopted his 'I'm about to go Super-Saiyan and smash up the house' stance, Trunks decided it would be a good time to leave. Being a year older than Goten, Trunks had already mastered the art of walking, and made a fair ol' start on the talking thing too. However, living in the heart of Capsule Corp., his escape would be a little more difficult than simple breaking and exiting. 

Fortunately, Vegeta was just about to make it a lot easier for him. In the heat of his Chenoble-style hissy fit, he decided he didn't like the way the furniture was arranged in the living room. With the words 'Stupid...', he hesitated as he searched his limited vocabulary, '... chairs!', he put a three-piece suit through the wall. Trunks decided to seize this opportunity before his father calmed down and started crying, as he usually did and inevitably would. He vaulted the barrier of his playpen and dashed through the gaping hole. 

Once outside, Trunks began to think about how he was going to reach Goten. It was too far to walk and, as yet, he was unable to fly. He decided that he would need some form of transportation, and he knew just where to get it. Making his way through the complex, he came to Dr. Brief's laboratory. He knew that the door was kept unlocked as he'd been in before, yet this was of little consequence considering the newly employed, six-foot tall armed guard, who just happened to be built like a tank. 

Trunks started to walk towards the guard. About ten feet away, he stopped. The guard stared at him, and he just stared right back, and that's when the attack came! Not from the front, but from the sides, the other two babies you didn't even know were there. (Incidentally, Trunks didn't know they were there either, that was just the latest in the string of happy conveniences holding this story together at the seams). The point is, the guard was alive when they started to eat him. 

Ignoring this ridiculous and disturbing parody, Trunks casually slipped into Dr. Brief's lab. In terms of his invention, Dr. Brief was very much of the Japanese school of thought. This meant to take a perfectly good existing invention, and make it smaller. This was in fact, the foundation of his company. Everything they made was miraculously miniaturised and sealed into a pocket-sized capsule. Obviously, this offered massive storage and transportation benefits, the phrase 'Taking everything but the kitchen sink' became obsolete, as this was now quite possible. 

However, there were lots of disadvantages too. It was always annoying when loose change was lost down the back of the sofa, imagine how you'd feel losing a private jet, and that's not the worst of it. The misuse of such technology has had disastrous results. The previous guard, a retarded homosexual, was tragically killed when he accidentally pressed the release button on a Capsule Corp. submarine, whilst ... pleasuring himself with it. On a side note, that particular sub is now the flagship for the German Navy. 

Of course, Trunks knew nothing of such vehicles, he was only familiar with the common, workaday car, and that's exactly what he found. Routing through Dr. Brief's drawers, Trunks found his grandpa's own personal hover-car. Why he was keeping it in his drawers, Trunks could only guess. It was just lucky that he happened to be fast asleep on the floor at the time. 

Once outside, Trunks pressed the release button and threw the capsule a safe distance. The car appeared in a big poof of smoke and baby Trunks hopped right in. Now came the difficult part, learning to drive. Trunks surveyed the controls for a good long while. He saw lots of buttons, keypads, display screens and levers, it looked a lot like some of the electronic toys his grandpa had made for him. 

The thought occurred to him that perhaps Dr. Brief had been trying to teach him about the mechanics of driving at an early age. He surveyed the dashboard once more, and after careful consideration, he began randomly assaulting the control panels. 

After re-tuning the radio to a Yugoslavian talk show, launching a distress flare, dialing the Get-A-Date chat line and blinding a rabbit with the high power floodlights, he finally struck upon the Auto pilot menu. Obviously, at his tender age, Trunks was hardly an accomplished reader, but he recognised the word 'Go' when he saw it. 

Conveniently, (I know, I know, so shoot me), this was the beginning of the input command 'Goku's House'. Once pressed, the hover-car sprang to life, the dashboard lit up like a Christmas tree in a power surge, the controls began to operate themselves and the car began to move. However, in his haste, Trunks had inadvertently set the vehicle's speed gauge to 280mph. As the craft bolted towards the horizon, only dogs could hear Trunks' screams. His pants could be smelt by all. 


	3. Trippin'

_Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z, or Pinocchio, or Jurassic Park, or anything else I happen to parody/rip off. Besides, who really cares?_

**Baby Goten's Day Out - Part Three**

As he awaited Trunks' arrival, Goten decided to investigate, and subsequently... eat, his surroundings. So far, he had consumed an assortment of flowers, something looking like Nesquik cereal that he found outside a rabbit-hole, and the entire contents of a brown paper bag, marked with a rounded yellow 'M'. Each morsel, more disgusting than the one that preceded it. 

He was just about to give up on the concept of roadside cuisine, when he spotted a patch of rather curious-looking mushrooms. Completely unaware of the hallucinogenic nature of the fungus, Goten picked one and ate it. For the first time today, his taste receptors were pleased, and so was he. Ever his father's son, Goten gluttonously devoured the lot. 

He rose to his feet, his left eye and corner of his mouth twitching rapidly. Staring transfixed into the distance, his cute baby features morphed into an obscene grin, much resembling that of Prof. Stephen Hawking, the wheelchair guy. 

To his astonishment, Goten saw what appeared to be a bright red rhinoceros, with headlights and an exhaust pipe, galloping towards him at approximately 280mph, several feet off the ground. Unbeknown to him, this was merely his mind's perception Dr. Brief's hover-car, whilst under the influence of the 'magic' mushrooms, of which he had eaten so many. 

However, he didn't pay it much attention as he was soon distracted by the six-inch tall monkey-children that had gathered at his feet. He felt sympathy towards them, as he too was of the simian persuasion. That is, until they started hacking at his toes with the rusty nails they carried as swords. 

He kicked at them in the hope that they would disband, but for each monkey-child that fell, two more parachuted down from the sky to take its place. Soon Goten was overwhelmed by the masses of tiny attackers, he writhed on the floor, willing them to leave him in peace. 

As he struggled to remove one of them from his face and take one last glance at the world, he saw that the bright red rhinoceros had come to a halt nearby and appeared to be giving birth. The baby rhino plopped onto the floor, looking rather shaken by the ordeal it had just been through. As it drew itself up Goten saw that it had blue eyes, purple hair and, in some unfathomable way, it bore an uncanny resemblance to Trunks. 

'Goten?' Trunks said, with more than a hint of bewilderment, as he observed his friend desperately flailing his arms, apparently trying to defend himself against some invisible attacker. 'Goten, what the hell's the matter with you?' 

The army of monkey-children vanished as Goten became intrigued by this new apparition, a talking baby rhino. 

'Goten?' Trunks repeated, this time with an added tone of annoyance, as he looked into Goten's calmed down, glazed over eyes. 'Earth to Goten, can you hear us?' 

Goten murmured something inaudible as he removed his nappy and offered it to the baby rhino. Trunks was not impressed by this, he declined the gift and slapped Goten's face. It seemed to have some effect, Goten's eyes appeared to focus a little. Trunks decided to roll with it, and slapped Goten several more times. 

The physical abuse of his features, coupled with his advanced Saiyan digestive system, was (conveniently) enough to bring him round from what had been a most non-non-heinous trip. Goten and Trunks play an excellent air guitar riff for no apparent reason, a lá Bill and Ted. 

'So, where do you think we're gonna find some good food?' Trunks inquired. 

'I dunno, that's why I asked you to come here.' said Goten, a little disappointed. 

'Oh.' said Trunks. 'Well... um, we could always... err, hang on a sec.' 

Trunks hopped back into the bright red hover-car and motioned for Goten to follow. Goten eyed the car suspiciously, as he could have sworn it was a large, thick-skinned mammal not a minute ago. He put his reservations aside and joined Trunks on the front seat. They sat and marveled at the wide array of controls. 

'Okay, this worked once, it should work again.' Trunks said, not even nearly sounding confident about his prediction. He closed his eyes and began the ritual of the random button pressing. Goten watched in disbelief as Trunks took their lives in his hands with such technological recklessness. 

'Um... are you sure you know what you're doing?' Goten asked worriedly. 

'No.' Trunks answered in an unusually reassuring tone, beginning to enjoy the powerful feeling he got from being behind the wheel. 

Goten looked at Trunks rather dubiously before sinking down in his seat and covering his head. Just then, the car began the start-up process, now familiar to Trunks. He smiled at Goten as the lights on the dashboard and the whirring of the engine signaled that movement was imminent. 

'See, told you I knew what I was doing.' Trunks said smugly, as he pulled on a pair of sunglasses that he found while hiding under the seat on the way. 

'Um... actually, you said...' Goten's correction was cut short as the hover-car shot backwards towards the city, still set at 280mph. As the car reversed at such a tremendous speed, Goten and Trunks were pinned against the windscreen like a pair of Garfield dolls... but at least they were on their way. 


End file.
